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Old 03-17-2013, 01:06   #1
prom2x
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"She's a drifter"

An original by Me, Gavin Jailbreak

She's a drifter of her own imagination
When she blinks new visions are shared
During a midnight moon, I speak of her in song
Tomorrow is said to be another day, yet, she slowly drifts away, no longer in grasp..
She awakens with a flower in hand
A journey to the moon and back leaves her with memories unexplained
She floats into space and her mind is set loose from the void - she stares and is disillusioned
- black matter stares back into her soul..
She has become one with the universe and its aether dimensions - she is set free!
She's a drifter of both time and space
She is my astral traveller, together again, we transcend time..

FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED!
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"The highest technique is to have no technique."
"In combat, spontaneity rules; rote performance of technique perishes."

Last edited by prom2x; 03-20-2013 at 03:12.
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Old 03-17-2013, 06:38   #2
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What? Wrong site.
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Old 03-17-2013, 08:30   #3
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I didn't want to read but since you actually typed it right and used correct punctuation, I did.

Make it rhyme please. I still like it like that.
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Old 03-17-2013, 11:58   #4
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Originally Posted by MyThirdAccount View Post
I didn't want to read but since you actually typed it right and used correct punctuation, I did.

Make it rhyme please. I still like it like that.
THANKS! I like freestyle poetry! It gives me alot more freedom in the storytelling.

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What? Wrong site.
Not necessarily, I put this in the "Off Topic" forum and poetry is completely off topic from Conquer Online. That piece up there is an abstraction.
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Gavin Jailbreak of 'Kryptik Fate'
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NivAvoss ~ Trojan130->Trojan130->Trojan134 (39.8%) (ACTIVE!)

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"The highest technique is to have no technique."
"In combat, spontaneity rules; rote performance of technique perishes."

Last edited by thehempknight; 03-18-2013 at 00:41.
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Old 03-18-2013, 01:22   #5
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If it rhymed, it'd have been much better.
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Thanks alot Apple06~ for the avy
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Old 03-18-2013, 07:37   #6
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by prom2x View Post
THANKS! I like freestyle poetry! It gives me alot more freedom in the storytelling.



Not necessarily, I put this in the "Off Topic" forum and poetry is completely off topic from Conquer Online. That piece up there is an abstraction.
Free verse ftw!
I think perhaps you should take out one of the exclamations though. One is okay but two just makes you sound a bit high ^_^;.

P.S. I forgot to say that I liked it hehe
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Last edited by Vondaha; 03-18-2013 at 07:40.
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Old 03-19-2013, 03:09   #7
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Thanks everyone!
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Gavin Jailbreak of 'Kryptik Fate'
server: Liberty (2012-)

NivAvoss ~ Trojan130->Trojan130->Trojan134 (39.8%) (ACTIVE!)

server: Glory->SnowWhite (2006-2009)
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"The highest technique is to have no technique."
"In combat, spontaneity rules; rote performance of technique perishes."
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Old 03-24-2013, 21:24   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prom2x View Post
An original by Me, Gavin Jailbreak

She's a drifter of her own imagination
When she blinks new visions are shared
During a midnight moon, I speak of her in song
Tomorrow is said to be another day, yet, she slowly drifts away, no longer in grasp..
She awakens with a flower in hand
A journey to the moon and back leaves her with memories unexplained
She floats into space and her mind is set loose from the void - she stares and is disillusioned
- black matter stares back into her soul..
She has become one with the universe and its aether dimensions - she is set free!
She's a drifter of both time and space
She is my astral traveller, together again, we transcend time..

FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED!
I write poetry dawg . Well, rap I guess you could call it.
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