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-   -   I like monkeys. (http://bbs.co.99.com/showthread.php?t=466113)

Lil_Firehawk 01-30-2008 12:45

I like monkeys.
 
I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
the genitals.

I like monkeys

sbrwln 01-30-2008 12:51

lol.. i read the whole thing..

LostBunny 01-30-2008 15:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbrwln (Post 7386934)
lol.. i read the whole thing..

lol me too.. I also like monkeys :D

Wormy 01-30-2008 15:47

I do not like monkeys, so I'm going to punch you in your genitals.

specialweapon 01-30-2008 17:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wormy (Post 7388188)
I do not like monkeys, so I'm going to punch you in your genitals.

-punches in genitals-

pkedx2 01-30-2008 22:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wormy (Post 7388188)
I do not like monkeys, so I'm going to punch you in your genitals.

added to sig. i agree watch out firehawk!

Lil_Firehawk 01-30-2008 22:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by pkedx2 (Post 7390265)
added to sig. i agree watch out firehawk!

How dare you try to punch me in my non-existant testicles.

specialweapon 01-31-2008 15:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lil_Firehawk (Post 7390271)
How dare you try to punch me in my non-existant testicles.

-punches ovaries-

Lil_Firehawk 01-31-2008 15:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialweapon (Post 7395720)
-punches ovaries-

My poor future babies. :(

specialweapon 01-31-2008 15:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lil_Firehawk (Post 7395731)
My poor future babies. :(

who needs children..they just whine and eat and eventually grow up and you kick them out of your house..leave the baby making to mexico xD

Lil_Firehawk 01-31-2008 15:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialweapon (Post 7395748)
who needs children..they just whine and eat and eventually grow up and you kick them out of your house..leave the baby making to mexico xD

But then some day the whole world will be nothing but Mexcians, and not an equal mix of what we have now. :(

Besides, I need to spread my insanity to the world!

pkedx2 02-01-2008 06:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lil_Firehawk (Post 7390271)
How dare you try to punch me in my non-existant testicles.

***** punch!

Crys 02-01-2008 15:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lil_Firehawk (Post 7390271)
How dare you try to punch me in my non-existant testicles.

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialweapon (Post 7395720)
-punches ovaries-

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lil_Firehawk (Post 7395731)
My poor future babies. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialweapon (Post 7395748)
who needs children..they just whine and eat and eventually grow up and you kick them out of your house..leave the baby making to mexico xD

ROFL!!
And I agree with you special all except the Mexican part. :s

pkedx2 02-01-2008 15:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by pkedx2 (Post 7399756)
***** punch!

.

Wormy 02-01-2008 15:55

Babies make pretty good taco meat.


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